He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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