your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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