Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
