I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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