this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
