pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
