is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
