I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
