the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
