im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
