I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
