Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
