i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
