Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
