On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
