dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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