We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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