oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
