some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
