I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
