I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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