The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
