Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
