So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
