fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
BRING THE BAGELS
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
