Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
