I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
