I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
