what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
