I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
