so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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