filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
