I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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