TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
