Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
