Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
