the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
