i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
