I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
