Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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