Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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