She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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