I love black thongs
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
