I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
