Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
