is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
