Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
