you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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