i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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