I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
